The Rites of Passages

Fundamentalists would like to tell us that it is a matter of placing one leg into its respective pant at a time. One after the other. One after the other. They have beat it into our heads over and over. They say that everyone does it this way--our friends, our enemies. Well, friends, let me tell you that this matter was determined by the rise of the fashion of breeches hundreds of years ago but many years after the dawn of the pantaloon. Pantaloons never demanded we squelch our leggy freedom to don our lower garmentry as we please. The cumbersome nature of breeches imposed absolutely that they be donned one appendage at a time. Indeed, we have let the exception prove the rule.

But, I am glad to inform you otherwise. I have not put on my pants one leg at a time in years. That is correct, friend. It is not an impossibility. So, join me as we discover the fruits of pants-donning in a manner long-forgotten and crash down the crusty fashion barriers that hold our appendages captive.

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